The Daddy/girl subculture, an obvious aspect of Domination and submission, is one which at times misunderstood as some desire for infantilism or a symbolic instestial relationship. Unfortunately I can understsand the assumptions as there isn’t the wealth of information which can be found covering many other aspcets of BDSM.

I tend to agree with the caregiver or authority figure identification as I believe it best describes the structure of rules, correction and nurturing which is such an important basis of this type of relationship. For myself and my girls it isn’t a role to play as much as it is an extension of our core personality, a common thread among those who share the lifestyle.

One thing we, as Dominants, learn is that being on top means leading by example, and without this lesson many are bound for a breakdown of structure when challanged by submissive or environment. If you do not take the effort to get yourself and the affairs of your household organized then how, in good faith can you reliably take on the responsibility of another?

This lesson is a tough one for some, including myself, but many of us find motivation to become better men simply due a feeling of responsibility to someone other than yourself. Building that responsibility is what some would say puts the maturity into a Daddy.

The term, head of household is common in other aspects of D/s and Taken In Hand relationships, and it means exactly what you might think. It means taking control of the things required to run a household. Providing a structed environment for the upkeep andmaintenance of a home, financial matters and thinking for good of the unit.

Unlike scene based BDSM, authority and control is retained in all aspects of the participants lives including the vanilla parts. These long-term real life relationships sometimes give the impression of the “traditional marriage”, going so far in many cases as to emphisize the “obey” parts of their vows. For some this return to tradition amounts to a bit of fetish in itself, replete with Mrs. Cleaver dresses and penchants for baking. For others still its simply following the natural order of Male Dominant/female submissive roles .

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It never ceases to amaze me when learning opportunities arise from seemingly mundane experiences. Then again, when is any life experience truly mundane? Most times we learn lessons by listening to others in our lives, those times when we are opening our minds and hearts to others.

In that vein I present some things I’ve learned from those everyday moments.

1. You are worth it.

This thought is for those of us who sometimes find it hard to believe in our abilities, or see the divine within ourselves. When things are darkest and we begin to loose hope we sometimes seek out others to give us a reason to keep moving. The reason is as simple as the statement above.

2. You are not your mistakes.

We all screw up, sometimes by accident sometimes we even sabotage ourselves. Ask yourself if your situations don’t evolve because you are afraid of change or your current environment doesn’t provide enough reasons to make those changes. When others take time to point out the emotional collateral in your life it can make it easier to get beyond your fears.

3. Nothing wrong with moving on.

Occasionally we have to clean house and remove people in our lives which offer nothing but toxic influence. At worst some will keep you in a position which is useful for them through the use of insults, or simply by dousing the fire of inspiration. Remove from your life those who would keep you down by remembering forward progression is healthy. Don’t allow emotional collateral to leave you running in place.

4. Experiment, experiment, experiment

Trying new things, learning new skills, and testing the waters is normal and should be done without fear.

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